How To Tame An Indian Dragon – Pt. 2


The first thing I observed about Indian men, within the organization I worked for, was their easy going attitude. However behind that laissez faire facade, lies a lazy, narcissistic, entitled individual who thinks the world revolves around him and no one else. You’d walk into a meeting with an Indian, come to a compromise or agreement about things that require attention and some few hours later, you’ll receive a rude awakening with their utmost turnaround via fervent denials of what was agreed earlier.

Document: To curb denials in any form, ensure to document all official interactions through emails, copying all decision makers. I don’t give a frigging hoot whether it was a 5 minute or 1 hour chitchat, so long as we came to an agreement about something, I am hitting you up with a mail. This email will cover up your ass, when the time comes for shit to hit the ceiling.

Shrewd Negotiation: When negotiating with an Indian man, do not fall for a verbal agreement. Ensure you have all terms of engagement written and spelt out clearly to avoid ambiguity. If he reneges, you can call him out for it legally. Nothing scares an Indian man than the threat of legal procedures or police.

Power drunk: The average male Indian colleague is in love with the notion of ‘Power’, no matter how minute it might be. He loves to exact this power to the detriment of the organization he works for. Teamwork while lovely and heartwarming, is a foreign concept in his personal vocab.

To fuel this power drunk individual, they end up recruiting ‘Yes – men’ instead of individuals that can think on their feet. At the end of the day, a would-be vibrant organization, becomes a shadow of its’ former self. Unless he’s playacting in front of his senior colleagues, always expect him to be gung-ho about power. If you have attended meetings with Indians, just check out the power play between two Indians (Senior – Junior). The junior one tries to outshine his boss at all time, cos he’s positioning himself in the minds of the powers that be, about his suitability for his bosses job.

Be Superior: always remember that the society in which an Indian man was raised, is largely a caste system. Hence, to tame your Indian male colleague, you must relate using the same caste system he believes in. How? For instance, most Indians think that a lot of Nigerians are poor and desperate, and will condone all manner of abuse in the workplace. Darling, this is where you draw the battle-line. If you want an Indian man to relate with you as an equal, you must relate with him from a ‘Class Superiority’ angle. This angle he’s comfortable with and understands. At all times, you must pass this message subconsciously through the innovative and creative insights/ideas you bring to the table so it sinks in. Once you are successful in passing this message, he will drop his superior air and relate with you as an equal.

One Witty Mail At a Time

Acerbic witty emails: no one does this better than me in my workplace. You know those kind of emails you send, where you are actually calling the recipient out for his appalling performance on the job, but he cannot call you out likewise for your insulting email as there is no visible proof you have basically labelled him ‘Wimp or Stupid’. Become a pro at it. Be creative with the use of English language to pass your messages across.

Lack of responsibility/Plague of Silence’: When you have surrounded yourself with inefficient people, who dare not think on their feet, you breed a poor working culture. Most Indian male colleagues are a pro at this. They do not understand the concept of taking ownership. When things do not work according to plans, they dig their heads in the sand like the proverbial ostrich, and begin to take pot shots at junior colleagues, who end up becoming the scapegoats.

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